Valerie’s story | The Lord is especially close in grief

“The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

“When I was 46, my husband died very suddenly, from a stroke. We had no warning whatsoever. He’d been to a conference in Melbourne, and he got home and said he was feeling weird. The ambulance came and took him to hospital. By then, he’d lost the power of speech. He couldn’t talk or say goodbye. He died a few hours later.

Michael and I were very close. We had such a happy marriage, and we were planning the rest of our lives together. The funeral was five days later. I was so bereft. I was walking around like a skeleton, not eating. I’d never felt so low in my whole life. I was full of questions, feeling desperate. I had a heavy cold. One day, I just screamed out to God. I said, “I’ve got to know that Michael is not just in a box in the ground!”

Five minutes later, the phone rang. It was a friend of a friend, who we hardly knew. We’d only met him twice. But he said, “I’ve been thinking of you all day. Five minutes ago, I had an overwhelming feeling that God wanted me to get in touch with you. You need to know that Michael is okay. He’s not in a box in the ground. He’s in heaven, with God.”

I burst into tears. The friend talked with me on the phone for an hour. It was the most wonderful thing. It gave me the courage to go on. At the end of the conversation, he suggested I could try writing a letter to Michael each day, telling him how I was feeling. At first, I thought it was a weird idea – fancy writing to a dead person.

But I sat down, and I wrote 17 pages to Michael that night. I started off, ‘Dear Michael, I know I’ll never get a reply from you, but…’ and then I told him everything I’d been thinking. It was brilliant! I wrote to Michael every night for the next two years.

Three weeks after I wrote the first letter, I was sorting through our filing cabinet. Michael was very organised, and everything was in order, but I needed to check it, and throw things out. As I was sorting, I came across an envelope with my name on it, in Michael’s handwriting. I stared at it, then opened it up. It was dated three months before Michael died. He began, “My darling Valerie, I have a feeling that I won’t make old bones. I may die from a stroke, and I may not be able to speak, and say all the things I want to say to you – about how much I love you and the children…”

Then I read all the things he wanted to say to me. It was such a beautiful thing to receive! It meant so much to me and the children. It was a final blessing and reassurance. It was a reply to my letters!

In the 38 years since that day, I have come to see that God really cares about us when we’re in trouble. We cry out to him and he’s there, unmistakeably. He is present all of the time, but he’s especially close in grief. And he uses modern-day angels – people who are ready to do his work – to accomplish his purposes when we need it. I never heard from that friend on the phone again. But he was so kind in that moment. He could have ignored the prompt, but he didn’t. And I still think about it all the time. I was a Christian before that day, but I’m different now. It’s changed everything. I am so grateful to God each day. And I know it’s not about me, it’s about God, about who he is, and what he’s like and how much he cares for us, in our hardest times. He hears us when we cry out to him!”

Valerie’s story is part of the Faith Stories series, compiled by Naomi Reed.

Visit Koorong to purchase Naomi’s Faith Stories book, Every Moment, Everywhere: https://koorong.com/everymoment