“I grew up going to Sunday school and church. But the picture I had of being a Christian was someone who knows things. It was about getting information about God, rather than being relational.

When I was in year 8, I moved to a high school where I made some Muslim and Hindu friends. Did I just believe Christian things because that’s what I’d been taught? What if I’d grown up with a different faith background? Would I believe different things? I put the whole thing on hold for a few years.

Then, when I was in year 12, my brother asked me to church. I went occasionally. We’d have big arguments. He was consistent in his answers and I was all over the place. He challenged me to check out Jesus as the only way to God. Sometimes I would agree that Jesus was important and other times I’d say he didn’t even exist.

In every other part of my life, I felt like I could be good enough, but I knew I couldn’t be good enough for God.

A few years later, a school friend became a Christian and needed a lift to church, so I drove her. One day, I was sitting in church and I heard a sermon on 1 Corinthians 1:18: “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” I remember having the distinct feeling that I was on the wrong side of the passage, thinking the cross was foolishness.

After that, I started paying more attention in church. After a few months, a friend asked me why I didn’t become a Christian. I replied that I didn’t know enough.  He said, “It’s not about knowing enough, it’s about trusting.”

In every other part of my life, I felt like I could be good enough, but I knew I couldn’t be good enough for God. My friend was very gentle with me. He said, “That’s why Jesus came.”

In October 1992, I turned to Jesus and put my trust in him. It was a relief! God’s grace to me, who didn’t deserve it, was very sweet. And God was very kind to me. He put the right people around me. I was studying law and I had many years at Campus Bible Study growing under God’s Word. Early on, God helped me with my priorities. He showed me that Jesus defines who I am, rather than what I did.

After we married, my husband and I went into full-time ministry. We served in a variety of churches over twenty years.

It’s often easier to disconnect, especially when we’re hurt. But the church is God’s provision for us.

The most recent church role started off great, but ended as the worst experience ever. It was really messy. We left that position traumatised and deeply hurt. We had to leave the town and our church family.  Two of our kids were in high school and they struggled. Churches are hard to leave when they’ve been good.

I think it shook my confidence in people. Before that, my picture of Christians was probably rosier than it should have been. We can hurt and be hurt by each other.  But the whole situation pushed us back to Jesus. And Jesus is so good. We were convinced that we had to keep trusting God and meeting with his people, so we joined a new church. We had tears every Sunday for months, feeling weak and vulnerable. But we connected with people again and I’m glad we did.

It’s often easier to disconnect, especially when we’re hurt. But the church is God’s provision for us. It’s God’s way of helping us stick with Jesus. And I think the challenge for me is to not run away from God during hard times, but to run to him. God is always our refuge and safe place. He knows what’s best.  Looking back, I wouldn’t choose this time again, but I wouldn’t trade it. I used to think that I needed something really hard (like cancer) to challenge me and to refine my faith. God used this time to do that work in me! And the picture in Romans 8 has kept me going. Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus. Somehow, God is at work in everything, even this horrible mess, to make us more like Christ.”

Janice’s story is part of Eternity’s Faith Stories series, compiled by Naomi Reed. Click here for more Faith Stories.